Feel like blogging before i off to bed. well, had quite a hectic yet relaxing week. lol cos i had an off day this week. love having off days, i am just lazy like that :p I have a lot to blog about actually, a lot on my mind, but now, i have zero idea how to express them all out. :/ it should be 3 weeks ago, if I'm not mistaken, finally got that issue settled. well, kinda sad because our friendship ended on that day? i never wanted it to end, but if thats the way he wanted it to be, i have got no other choices then. i am not like any other girls, i know i am hard to tolerate with, i have a strong personality, i am tough, i dont know how to be loving, how to please my other half. ever since that relationship, i've got no confidence in this kind of stuff anymore. i started to feel insecure, feeling as if I'm gonna have someone bad again, I'm afraid of getting used, getting dumped. I'm afraid of going through all the crying moments, all the heart-breaking moments. i dont know. I'm hard to deal with, sometimes I'm fussy, sometimes i can be really bossy, sometimes i am a hot-tempered person, sometimes i can be the scariest person on earth, as i dont express my anger or feeling, i keep everything to myself, i choose to keep quiet, and i know this aint good in a relationship. perhaps, i have yet to found someone whom i really love, or rather someone who suit me. i believe one day if i met someone, where i think 'yes he's my man', all my bad habits or weird personality will change. lolol. thats when you willing to do anything or everything for your loved one. 

well, getting issue settled, it feels like a thousand weight lifted off the shoulder lol. i know this is too overrrr. it was just a small matter. but i've never done this kinda thing before, in front of that person, right in his face. lol. another achievement unlocked? 😂 nah just kidding. i was kinda nice at the beginning, tryna to hint him, and be nice, and hope that he could get my hint, cos i didn't wanna make things turn awkward. but he just doesn't get it, and too stubborn, and was kept trying to ask me to give it a try. it was one of the things that i will never forget, that sentence, dont know if i should laugh or cry lol. it lasted for two hours plus. and all we talked about, been repeating and repeating. like wtf. i yelled at him, shouted at him, even got fed up at him. i gave up changing his mind, and he gave me the face, 'why dont you try'. seriously wanna kill him at that moment. anyway, it was over now. hopefully this matter will fade away, as time goes by. 

these day i realised some things, i think, i think i've let go of him, about 90%? i dont know, nowadays, when i come across anything that related to him, i've got no hard feelings anymore. As in, i won't feel mad, or sad. i dont know why did i get so mad when i found out his current gf, i must have something wrong. lol. but anyway, you have your life, i have mine. i dont hate him anymore, but i have never hated him before anyway, maybe i should say, i'm not mad at him anymore. we memang not meant for each other from the beginning. we're obviously different kind of person, we dont match at all. hurhur. forget bout it, forget bout him. I'm happy with what I'm having right now, happy with my life. :)

And recently, this issue annoys me a lot. duh, you dont need to tell the world, about your fucking problems, attention seeker huh? well, i agreed with part of your saying, but not all. yeh, your statement might be correct, but not as a whole. okay. i dont know, and i didn't want to comment on anything, i seriously went speechless. 

and to someone, you gotta really look into the mirror, and ask yourself, why. 💁

okay, done with the rants i think. another personal blog entry i wanna do few weeks ago, and finally had time to. off to bed, it's almost 1am now. 😯

g'night 

x,

J