I welcome you to my world
Bonjour! x
Bonjour! x
J.
3rd March
Pisces
Law student
Love foods, Desserts, & everything pretty
Summer Love
Broken hearted.
Bonjour errbody! x
Am currently at Starbucks, spending some quality time alone, and getting my toffee nut fix. one month plus till christmas, even though there aint any xmas decorations yet, but I'm feeling the xmas atmosphere already at Starbucks! the red colour menus, the xmas merchandise, xmas seasonal drinks and food. Loving the red season xx. Always wanted to do this, get myself to sit down in any Starbucks, and just do some blogging, and reading.
Life aint good, at all. but i just gotta move on.
Been having mood swing these weeks. and all i have to do is to stay strong. really miss the good ol' times back in UK. i was really happy even though i was being alone sometimes. well, actually i dont really mind to be alone sometimes, yeap i do feel lonely. because i was missing my bf all the time. sometimes, it even hurts to know that i couldn't be there for him, and vice versa.
If life, people come and go. True friends stay in ur life no matter what. sometimes, i do wonder, when are my true friends gonna appear? haha. He doesn't understand why do i being clingy sometimes, i have so much emotions, but he doesn't understand, never really find out, why do i being down at times.
been thinking a lot, like really a lot. and i finally have the courage to call for it last Wednesday. it hurts, but he doesn't know. he said, 'why dont u sound sad at all?' it broke my heart when i heard this. he doesn't know my heart broke so much, and he doesn't know how much tears i had. i've been thinking a lot too after calling for it. thinking if i made a right choice, thinking if there's anymore chances, thinking why didn't him bother to explain, thinking why didn't him hold me back. thinking if... he doesn't care anymore? :/
every night, when i go to bed, everything flashes in mind, every single thing. no joke. and then my tears couldn't stop running down my cheeks. i was trying really hard to hold them back. but they're too heavy, i could no longer hold it. recalled back how we met, how we got together, how happy we were when we teased each other, how i got mad each time he didn't have time for me, how he managed to pull me back each time. how i've been looking forward to summer, how i've been wanting to go home just to see him, how i've been looking forward to do every single thing that i've been planning/thinking when i was in the uk. how i got happy whenever his messages came in. how i always got excited when i could see him on FaceTime. how i've been thinking all the cutes things to do with him. :'(
that night, when i knew that i have no rights to send him morning texts anymore, no longer can call him 'baby' anymore, no longer have rights to know how he has been anymore. no longer has the right to care bout him anymore.. my heart got broken. i know, i was the one who call for it, and i shouldn't be thinking all these. but i can't help. it hurts. :'(
few months back, i've been looking forward to xmas and new year eve. feeling so excited because i get to spend time with the loved one on my favourite occasions. but seems like, this year i gotta spend it myself.
he used to be the most important person in my life, other than my family. i thought i could count on this guy in the rest of my life, because there is no one that i could count on anymore. i have got no true friends. in fact, i have got no one.
no one is to be blamed, i was not a sweet, loving, good gf after all.
i wanna run, run away, from all these issues.
Life still goes on, and i gotta move on. all i need now, is time. i believe time can heal everything, including my broken heart.
and i've learned, and understand how great love can be. Love, forgives someone regardless what he has done, or how he has hurt you. Love, forgives someone no matter how much tears he has brought to you. x and that was the moment i knew, i really love this guy.
you might think that I'm a cold-blooded bitch. yes, i am not loving, I'm not sweet, I'm sensitive, sometimes I'm being reasonable.. but the reasons why i am being like these, is insecurity. :/
'Well you only know need the lights when it's burning low, only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go.
Only know you've been high when you feeling low, only hate the roads when you're missing home, only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go.'
'I wish nothing, but the best for you'
pooiling.
Labels: [daily update], [true feeling]