Thursday morning, hello errbody! 

a lot of thoughts running through my mind, and started to feel worried already. but i just feel like, there's no one for me at this moment. need some time alone, to think. out of a sudden, im afraid of doing bptc. afraid of failure, afraid of getting rejected again. seeing how my classmates tweeted or instagram-ed, or even posted on fb, on how stress they were and stuff, stress me up as well. i dont know how bptc works, but seeing all the thick textbooks, and all the notes, make me feel like giving up. from the start i know it aint gonna be easy, and of course its gonna be harder than LLB hundred times. but, im afraid that im not qualified for it, im afraid that im not up to the standard, and im afraid that i couldnt cope well. i have a year to go, before bptc, i have time to get myself prepared for it, but somehow, i know i wouldnt be disciplined enough to do some preparation or pre-reading for it. because i am that lazy. fml. 

these days, mood swing keep kicking in. i wanna pretend as if i am happy, but it is really hard. why do shits always happen? why cant we just be happy everyday? why do we have feelings? why cant we just say fuck it, and leave? why do we have to care about other people's feeling? 

no matter how i tell myself everything's gonna be fine, it doesn't seem to be. a lot of times i ask myself, why do i still hold onto it? i need no anything more, i just need some attention and caring. is it really that hard? Is sparing a few seconds of your day gonna harm you? 

it's all about heart. 

if that's the case, i wont annoy you no more. 

pooiling.