3rd March

and i promise to love her the rest of my life.

my letter to you.

it has been three weeks we never talked to each other properly. i dun like this kinda situation, this kinda feeling. people asked me, what happened to you and him? i dunno how to answer, because i seriously dunno what happened between us. i said : i dunno, and smiled. maybe i was trying to hide from the problems or trying not to face it. almost every night, i felt heartache, that we actually didnt talk for the whole day. no matter how busy we are, we will spend some time with each other in the past. but now, we didnt. we din even bother whether do we talk or not. or, perhaps it doesnt matter to you already.
no doubt, we are drifting apart. that day when i received the inbox from u, i thought we're actually okay already. but nope, things getting worse. but yah, i've already get myself prepared, for the day to come. i kind of, heart sanked already, i went speechless everyday. even though we talk, it will be only few minutes. cos in the end, u'll be away, offline, or busy. but yah, kind of used to it already. :/ u said, i can message u whenever i wanna talk.not that i duwanna message u, i dont even dare to, because all i got was no reply in the end.

i hate weekends, when im home. emo thoughts just couldnt stop running through my mind. i would rather go to school, to hang with my friends, at least i know that im not alone. i've friends to keep me company, to make me laugh, although i wasnt really that happy. :)

im tired of caring already, no matter how much i care, the end of the day, i got nothing. everytime when i was bout to give up, those happy moments just flashed in mind, and told me not to give up this easily, and ask me to hold on. but yah, im fucking tired already. :'( u can just tell me straight to my face that u dont love me anymore.

i've no one to talk to, no one to lean on, no one to rely on. i got nothing indeed. how i wish, everything isnt this complicated. why would love have to be this complicated? :/

i hate it when it comes to nights, nights that full of tears. i've had enough of this kind of tiring nights. i dunno what's wrong with me. maybe, i feel damn lonely at night, especially when i feel helpless. i feel so weak. i can barely open my eyes in the morning, because of the swollen eyes. sigh :( i feel so ugly. i hate crying. pfft.

no matter how i tell myself that tmr will be a better day, it just doesnt turn out to be better. it's either still be same as shit, or it gets worsen.

maybe it was me that think it's a big deal, maybe u dont care at all. i dunno.
im losing my faith, and everything's just fading away, as u wish.

pooiling.